Paved With Verbs was originally founded to coach high school seniors through the college application process. But I quickly realized that the two biggest mistakes students make on their applications have nothing to do with writing. If I really want to help applicants reach their full potential, I realized, I should start working with them as early in their high school career as possible. Not only will this help infuse their lives with passion, purpose and meaning... but it will also help them build the stories and relationships they will need to achieve lifelong success.

As both a psychology graduate student and college counselor, I have devoted years to studying the future of education. I appeared on the RebootEd podcast and participated in a 2015 panel at Phillips Exeter Academy. I have also blogged extensively about how a young person can be successful in the digital age -- both during the college admissions process, and beyond. 

To help you better understand my Life Coaching services (as well as my approach to college counseling), I have shared some of my writing here. Please contact me if you have additional questions.

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1. The Two Biggest Mistakes Seniors Make on Their College Applications... Have Nothing to Do With Writing.

Here's the admissions officer's perspective:

1. The advantage of going to a top school isn't book learning. It's that top schools have money, staff, faculty and resources to make anything possible. When I was at Stanford, there was this amazing freshman seminar called Inside the Jet Engine. It was for non-technical students who were curious about jet engines. For one of the class sessions, students took a bus to SFO, flew to Arizona to tour Boeing for the afternoon, and then flew back to school that evening. Are you the kind of student who would seize this opportunity? Or would you be too busy trying to get A's in all your pre-med courses to care? 

If all you've ever done is get good grades, you don't need to go to a top school. You'd do just fine at the local library.

2. We have world leaders, Genius Grant recipients and Nobel Prize winners teaching your classes. Are you someone who has demonstrated that they ask engaging questions and build strong relationships with faculty?

Many "high achievers" have spent countless hours studying, memorizing and preparing... but they've never taken the time to get to know their teachers on a deeper personal or intellectual level. So they pick two teachers whose class they got an A in, and ask them for a letter of recommendation. 

What's the teacher supposed to say about you?

"So-and-so got a good grade and always handed in his homework on time. It was a generic pleasure having him in my class, and I think he will do well in college."

If you're not going to take the time to get to know your teachers, admissions officers have no reason to think you will get to know your professors. Moreover, it will show a lack of involvement in your community. Read more >

2. APs Make You Look Complacent, Not Curious.

Why? Think about it from an admissions officer's perspective. 

Say you've got... I dunno... 8,000 applicants who took AP U.S. History; AP Calculus; AP Biology; AP Physics; AP Language; and AP Calculus.

And then you've got one student who was curious about Marine Biology. So she took a Marine Biology elective -- you know, instead of AP Whatever. And she loved it so much that she applied for an internship at an aquarium -- and used the money to get scuba certified! Then, with several dives under her weight belt, she completed her Underwater Naturalist certification. Meaning she could (and did) go out into the wild and identify animals, plants, real examples of commensalism, parasitism, amensalism and synnecrosis. 
 
Realizing that the underwater world is completely different at night, she then took on another part-time job to pay for a Night Diver course at her local dive shop. Fascinated by all this, she knew she would (probably) do something biology-related in college, and decided to take her one and only AP in Biology.

Which student would you admit? Read more >

Once upon a time, it was possible to stand out with grades and test scores alone. But now, your child is competing with students from all over the world who are trying to get into the same dream school by doing taking the same classes and getting the same GPA. 

Today, APs are redundant. And they do little to tell an admissions officer anything about what makes your child special. In the words of one Stanford admissions officer I know, "No admissions officer ever got up out of her seat, knocked on a colleague's door, and said, 'Hey - did you read about the kid who took 11 APs?'"

This is especially true for students who attend top public or private high schools. If you're at Gunn, an educational land of opportunities, and you chose to spend your time taking the same AP classes that are offered at every high school in the country... this suggests you don't have unique passions or curiosities of your own. You haven't excelled at discovering or creating resources and opportunities for yourself. 

As a Life Coach, my job is to help your child discover their truest, most unique self. I will help them generate ideas and goals that will truly make their college application unforgettable. This could mean helping them pitch a research idea to a scientist; identify and solve important problems in their community; or even just figure out how to build the most epic tree fort anyone has ever built.  

3. Achievement Isn't Normal. It's Log-Normal. Here's What That Means For Your Child's Future.

In A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future, Daniel Pink writes that the world has changed. While we used to value "knowledge workers," like doctors, accountants, engineers and lawyers... the new Digital Age has introduced "The Three A's," Automation, Availability and Asia, which have completely disrupted what it means to be intelligent. 

Automation means that computers and machines can now do many jobs -- including being a doctor or lawyer -- better, cheaper and faster than humans. In spite of all the buzz about computer science right now, there are even computer programs now that can write computer programs. So just memorizing things well or just knowing the law or just being able to write good code is no longer enough to make you successful in life. A computer can (or will soon be able to) do those things better than you. 

Availability refers to the fact that we now have better access to almost anything than ever before. There was a time when, if you needed to buy a new hair brush, you'd go to the mom and pop shop in your town and buy the hair brush they had for sale there. Now, there's Walmart, Walgreens, Target, Amazon, Safeway, and so many more -- often either right across the street from each other, or even in the palm of your hand. Each has dozens of different hair brushes to choose from. How do you design a product that stands out?

Asia refers to the ease with which companies can now outsource work to developing countries. And we're not talking just manufacturing jobs. We're talking engineering and medical jobs. According to Ginger.io, 80% of what doctors do can now be done better by computers. And as radiology images can now instantly be sent to doctors in India and operations will soon be able to be done remotely via machines... you've got to have skills and insights that this cheaper, equally-educated workforce doesn't. 

So what do these "Three A's" have to do with the log-normal achievement? 

They mean that the ability to memorize equations and solve problems that have one correct will no longer make yourself stand out in the job market. Instead, they'll have to be above-average at a number of different skills and qualifications, including things like:

- Design – Moving beyond function to engage the senses
- Story – Narrative added to products and services - not just argument. Best of the six senses.
- Symphony – Adding invention and big picture thinking (not just detail focus).
- Empathy – Going beyond logic and engaging emotion and intuition.
- Play – Bringing humor and light-heartedness to business and products.
- Meaning – the purpose is the journey, give meaning to life from inside yourself.

Not to mention skills like resilience, risk-taking, time management, determination, niche expertise and efficiency. To name a few. Read more >

As a Life Coach and College Counselor, my goal is to discover what your child can do that a computer, a machine or an outsourced worker can't. My goal is to show how multidimensional your child is. As a Life Coach, I will begin strategizing with your child as early as possible, so that he or she can begin developing specialized knowledge, niche expertise, and skills that are not taught in school. With these skills, it won't matter where your child goes to college. They will have all the skills they need to be successful, no matter what the future holds.

4. "Achievement" Can Be Toxic - But, With A Little Restraint, You Can Raise Resilient Children.

One of the most important things you can do, as a parent, is to let your child fail.

You read that correctly. Sometimes, when we're determined to get our kid into the best college, we insulate them from any kind of failure, ever. 

"Oh, you got a B on the math test? I'll talk to your teacher about it -- if she won't give you a re-take, I'll get her fired!"

"I don't think you got to play enough in the game today -- I'll talk to your coach to make sure you get more time next game."

"Oh, you forgot your violin and are going to get an F for the day in music? Here, let me just leave work, drive home, get your violin, drive it to your school, leave it at the principal's office for you, and then drive back to work to finish my workday -- because if you get an F for the day in music, you'll never get into Princeton!"

When you're willing to drop everything in your life -- whether a social, professional, personal or spousal commitment -- to insulate them from small failures and minor consequences, two very bad things happen:

1. You send a powerful social signal that failure is not acceptable. Ever. You send the message that this one high school quiz is more important than your job, your clients, your relationships -- your anything! Failure is the end of the world. It won't matter if you say to your child, "I love you for who you are, regardless of your grades," if your actions scream otherwise. 

2. You rob them of the chance to develop coping skills. You rob them the chance to ask themselves, "What did I do wrong? What can I do differently next time?" You rob them of the realization, "Wow. I really didn't give that my best effort, and it showed. Maybe I should prepare more or differently next time." You rob them of the chance to feel a little bit of anger, a little bit of hurt, even a little bit of shame -- and then learn how to deal with these complicated and painful emotions. So, now, how are they supposed to deal with a major hurt, such as not getting into their first-choice school, having their heart broken or getting cut from JV their senior year (or, God forbid, a serious injury or illness)? Read more >

When you insulate your child from failure, you aren't building a perfect resume. You're building weakness and dependence. Moreover, you're creating an environment that teaches your child not to take risks -- not to take classes that they might not get an A in. Not to enter a competition they might not win. Not to try to solve a problem they might not be able to solve. 

In a way, colleges love admitting kids who have failed -- because they know that this student will arrive on campus, try things that haven't been tried before, and take big chances. This student won't do the exact same thing everyone else does. This student is going to take the school by storm. 

5. It's Good To Be "Well-Rounded" -- But Schools Also Value Inherent Interests and Niche Expertise.

Maybe you don't have the best GPA ever. Maybe APs are completely uninteresting to you because there's a pursuit that you want to spend more time on. Something academic, perhaps, like ornithology. Or, perhaps, some obscure, non-academic pursuit. Let's pick an example a lot of parents might scoff at: fashion. 

There's no reason you can't knock an admissions officer's socks off with your passion for fashion.  Because there's no limit to how deep you can take that passion. You can use the energy that other students spend on APs to develop niche expertise, like Susan Gregg-Koger with ModCloth -- what started as a girl collecting thrift store finds turned into a $15 million business. Or you can buy a sewing machine and take online courses in design -- maybe even create your own line and debut it at a local mall.

Maybe you've developed a hypothesis that young girls would have better self-esteem if they could make or tailor their own clothes, so everything would fit them perfectly. You could even test yourhypothesis by running a study -- perhaps with an advisor from your high school or a local community college. Or maybe address the problem by creating your own online sewing course for teenage girls.

Or you could start your own blog, and earn money or social influence (or fail fantastically -- that's a valuable learning experience, too). Or make the best costumes your school play has ever had. Or organize a huge fundraiser to provide stylish, professional interview outfits for low-income women in your community. Or... something else!

No college is going to look at your application and say, "Well, I guess it's cool that she provided interview clothes to 30 single mothers in her town and helped get 3 homeless women off the street... but I really wish she'd taken more APs." "I guess it's cool that she found a correlation between tailored clothing and self-esteem, and then launched an online course so she could do something about it -- but taking more APs would have demonstrated real curiosity."

Instead, they'll be impressed by the leadership, entrepreneurship, design thinking, data analysis, empathy, marketing, or whatever skills you learned along the way. They'd be impressed by your initiative. You'd be showing that you are the kind of student who will take advantage of all the amazing resources a top-tier university offers. Not just the library. Read more >

When you think outside the box about the best way to enrich your child's education and develop their curiosity, there is no limit to what could happen. Any interest has the potential to become an incredible college essay. But sometimes, you and your child need some outside perspective to realize that potential.

6. There Is Nothing Wrong With Taking a Gap Year.

As I wrote to a gifted young person two years ago in the Huffington Post, 

You are a high-achieving individual. You are talented and gifted, and you worked hard enough to test out of high school a year early. That's really great. Congratulations on your achievements.

BUT. There is a cost associated with your achievements. 

You spent your childhood and adolescence being good at stuff. You got up, went to school, did your extracurriculars, did your homework, and went to bed. While that may have kept you stimulated and busy and even entertained, it prevented you from developing leisure skills, life skills and intrinsic interests.

You don't know what you're passionate about or what takes your breath away. You have spent very little time entertaining yourself. Your free time has almost always been structured. You have done what you thought you should do or were told you needed to do to succeed. 

I'm sure someone's already told you to consider a gap year. And I think that may be the right thing for you. I don't think you're necessarily ready to do something self-directed, because

1. You're young, and 
2. You probably don't have a lot of travel experience.

But there are tons of gap year programs available. And right now -- right now! literally! deadlines are RAPIDLY approaching -- is when you need to start applying to them. 

"Gap years," or time spent working, traveling or volunteering abroad, were once popular mostly among wealthy European families. But with the emergence of the "hurried childhood," colleges have found that lots of students have no idea what they want to do -- both in college, and in life. They have begun encouraging applicants to consider a gap year. Phillips Exeter Academy, the most prestigious boarding school in the country, has even begun offering grants to graduates who take gap years. 

This could mean taking a year to work at a startup -- or even just a local retailer. It could mean volunteering in Africa, backpacking across Europe, or renting a room in St. John and writing a novel. It's easy for adults to scoff at the idea of "finding oneself," but experiential learning and mental decompression could be just what your child needs after high school, so that they can get the most out of college. 


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