How to Write Your UC Essays, Prompt One: Describe Your Leadership Experience

The University of California system is one of the best in the country. As such, admission to any of the nine UC schools (Berkeley, UCLA, Santa Barbara, UCSD, Davis, UC Irvine, UC Santa Cruz, UC Riverside, and UC Merced) is competitive. 

This year, the UCs launched a new application -- instead of asking students to answer two, 500-ish word essays, they're asking for four 350-word ones. Which is at least twice as much work! Twice as many hook sentences. Twice as many conclusions. Twice as many carefully-crafted stories. 

To help you get started on this application, I have included a free chapter of my upcoming book on college admissions -- it should help you get started on your application. If you need additional advice or feedback, contact me or check out my Services and Prices page.

The first prompt on the UC application is: 

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.  

Things to consider: A leadership role can mean more than just a title. It can mean being a mentor to others, acting as the person in charge of a specific task, or taking lead role in organizing an event or project. Think about your accomplishments and what you learned from the experience.  What were your responsibilities? 
 
Did you lead a team? How did your experience change your perspective on leading others? Did you help to resolve an important dispute at your school, church in your community or an organization? And your leadership role doesn’t necessarily have to be limited to school activities.  For example, do you help out or take care of your family?

Leadership is a huge consideration for the UCs, because their mission is to create and inspire future thought leaders. So although you don't have to answer this prompt, you should spend some serious time brainstorming before deciding not to.
 
This question is pretty straightforward – if you have a leadrship experience, write about it! BUT. They specify that you don’t have to have had a title for it to “count.” Meaning that you can take a really unique approach to this question, whether or not you have "official" leadership experience.
 
With that in mind, brainstorm every single possible “leadership” opportunity you’ve had. No matter how crazy or small or irrelevant it seems. There are no right or wrong answers.
 
For example, here is my initial brainstorm:

Basketball captain
Volleyball co-captain
Dorm proctor (because I went to boarding school)
Rescue diver (not technically a "leader," but I'm mindful and aware every time I dive)
Class representative on student council

Okay, now take a look at your list. Is that all? Is that really all? Get creative. Write down ideas that you're not sure even make sense. For example:

Crew – I broke the school record, but wasn't the captain
Activity organizer for my friends? Because I always start the Frisbee games? And without me, nothing fun would ever happen? And fun is important?
Lifeguard? (Totally counts if it was at a small private pool with no patrons or other employees, right?)
Working on my family’s farm? It was totally self-directed, but I kept a lot of animals alive, and even organized a couple of adoption events.

You can tell right away that some of these ideas are seem compelling than others. But here's the thing: the why and how are much more important than the what.

Ask yourself: What is unique about that experience? How did you become a leader in that community? Why?
 
Keep in mind that every school ever has a host of basketball, volleyball, football, soccer, wrestling, etc. etc. etc. captains and co-captains. So simply being captain, ordering sweatshirts for the team, and organizing a fundraiser might not be that interesting. Tell me more. What were your major milestones? What was your unique perspective? What did you learn, and how did you apply it in other leadership positions?
 
Keep in mind that the unspoken question is, “What will you contribute to our campus?”
 
Also remember: these essays should grab their attention. This means writing an incredible first sentence (hook). It means saying something other essays don’t. It may even mean violating their expectations.
 
You don’t want them to read your essay and forget it. You want them to get up, walk across the hall, and ask their colleague, “Did you see the rollerblading (or whatever) essay?!”
 
So. In the spirit of violating their expectations, I’m not going to write about being a leader on the basketball or volleyball team. I’m going to write about not being a leader on the crew team – because I think that could say something just as powerful about me:

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.  
 
I’ll be blunt: I have the perfect body…
 
For a rower.
 
That’s what everyone started telling me the moment I arrived in New England. “Try rowing! You’ll be awesome!”
 
But, but… I’m a runner! And a basketball player! I told myself.
 
If rowers are anything, though, they’re persistent. I admired that, and eventually decided to at least give it a try.
 
Let’s revisit my opening sentence: “I have the perfect body… for a rower.”
 
With just the right height and build, I had a genetic advantage that helped me excel. In six weeks, I broke a 20-year-old boathouse record – meaning that I was the fastest rower my school’s history.
 
But that’s not what’s remarkable about my season.
 
What’s remarkable is that I noticed (and cared) that women who had spent years training were discouraged to lose their spot to a newbie. I noticed how frustrated certain teammates – including our captain – felt when they realized they would never break the records they’d worked tirelessly to break.
 
So I vowed to make a change. To be confident, without seeming arrogant. To show I’d earned my spot – but that it absolutely wasn’t “easy.” To help my teammates – and myself! – focus on team, rather than individual, goals. To do my best by helping others improve.
 
From then on, I decided, I would always finish last. When we ran hills, I’d continue sprinting up and down, shouting, “Let’s go! We’ve GOT this!” until the last girl was finished. When we erged, I’d pull until everyone was done.
 
Soon, other top rowers joined in.
 
Extra hill by extra hill, extra stroke by extra stroke, we grew together, culminating in a New England Championship and an invitation to the famous Henley Regatta.
 
I’d finished the basketball and volleyball seasons that year as Captain Elect, but was not chosen for crew captain. Yes, I’d’ve loved being tri-varsity captain and MVP – but my heart wasn’t broken. I’d learned that you don’t need a title to be a leader. You don’t need the most experience to inspire others. And there’s more to being “the best” than your own individual performance.  

***

​Here’s what I like about this essay:
 
1. Edgy hook sentence. It’s a bold statement that instantly grabs the reader’s attention.
 
2. Violation of expectations. As the admissions officer knows from my Activities section, I had several leadership experiences I could have written about. Instead, I chose an experience in which I was not an official leader. This is fine, because the readers will have seen a list of my leadership positions in the Activities section.
 
3. It tells something important about me. It shows that I am an athlete; a team player; and that I am mindful of how my actions affect those around me.
 
4. Spacing. Lots of students write super long paragraphs. But the longer the paragraph, the more physically and mentally difficult your essay will be to read. You want this to be a positive experience for the admissions officers. Use short paragraphs. Use short sentences. Make it as easy for them as possible.
 
 
Here’s what worries me about this essay:
 
1. It might come across as braggy. I am a very confident woman, which is a defining part of my personality. But I know my confidence can rub people the wrong way. That’s why I would get at least two friends or teachers to read it before submitting. (Did you find it braggy? Let me know in the comments!)
 
2. It isn’t about my most “impressive” leadership experience. There’s a good argument to be made for writing about one of the other experiences, instead. However, recall that thousands of debate team captains and community service leaders and sports captains are applying to the UCs this year – can you really say something about your “most impressive” leadership experience that they can’t?
 
 
Now it’s your turn! Here’s the step-by-step recap of how to approach this essay:
 
Brainstorm. Write down every possible leadership experience you’ve had. Literal or figurative. Think about times you led one person, and times you led a hundred. There are no right or wrong answers.
 
Don’t start writing till you’ve thought of at least five ideas. Ten would be better.
 
Write your draft. Do NOT worry about the word count on the first draft. It’s way more important to get all your ideas out on paper than it is to count words.
 
Eliminate bad writing. Cross out words that end in –ly. Replace boring words like really, very, good, bad, things and people with more exciting and descriptive ones. Eliminate “SAT words” that you wouldn’t use in a normal conversation -- the point of the essay is for them to get to know you, not for you to demonstrate that you know how to use a thesaurus. If you use a lot of “to be” verbs, find another way to phrase the sentence. And remember: show, don’t tell. 
 
Eliminate extra words. Use contractions. Hyphenate. Rephrase. Make heartbreaking decisions about which sentences don’t add enough to the story. This essay originally had a beautiful sentence about how hard it was for my teammates to realize that they would never break the records they'd sacrificed sleep, weekends, and most of the skin on their hands to break. But it had to go.

If you’re not sure which parts to eliminate, get a second/third/fourth opinion.
 
If you get stuck, try starting at the beginning, and reading all the way to the ending, crossing out words as you go. You might have to do this five or six times to cut it down enough.
 
Get another opinion. Yes, it is awkward and embarrassing to ask someone you know to read a personal essay you wrote about how wonderful you are. But feedback is crucial. Ask a trusted friend or teacher for feedback -- and to look for typos and mistakes, which can be deal breakers. Approach this with an open mind, but stay true to yourself – remember: it’s your essay.
 
Now it's your turn. Good luck -- and remember, if you need more help, contact me or check out my Services and Prices page.